Doing a little raindance

25 days since I left my job. I am in recovery. I started a painting the other day. Took some pictures, too. Did some cooking. Some shopping. Some housework.

I feel lost.

I reviewed about a hundred recipes going through my cooking magazines. I finished watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer until the finale. I cried like a baby when Spike died. I cried like a baby knowing that Buffy got her life back. What can I say? I've been a little emotional. Okay I've been crazy emotional. Emotional like I am in persistent PMS mode emotional. My therapist says I'm okay though. I don't need meds (yet). Seth says he sees improvement. Seth is insane with putting up with my mood swings!

Went to see an amazing movie last night. Little Miss Sunshine. I gotta say, those reviewers at EW really suck rotten potatoes or something. They are such retards- they were so wrong about this film. This film was beautiful and witty and hilarious and I laughed very hard. So hard my zipper slipped down on my jeans hard. SO hard that I almost farted popcorn with joy! Ok maybe not that hard. . . I did laugh though. I did laugh loud. It was worth it to see. I mean the movie, not me laughing. I also cried. Just so you know. I cried. I sniffled and sucked in my breath. Of course I also almost wacked the dumb cow with the cell phone sitting behind me with my water bottle. Stupid woman. Stupid cow of a woman. I shouldn't insult cows. Yiick.

Yeah, my life has been really full since I don't go to work anymore- err bullshit. It has been full. just not fullfilling. Just not a job. This break so far is really not all that it's cracked up to be, I mean when I run into people they act all jealous and bitchy with me. Say things to me like, I wish I could quit my job! Snark. or they say, I wish my husband would make me quit my job! snarky snark. Then the eye roll and the snarl. I then feel all ashamed and want to crawl into a hole. Then I go see my therapist and he listens to me. I start to tell him how I feel. Yes I am very honest and self aware as I review my suffering. I then talk about how I feel like I have these huge holes ripped out of me and I don't know how to fill them up. How I have spent the last 10 years dealing with people's pain and assorted bullshit and I just want someone to acknowledge that I happen to be in pain too. I have pain too Goddammit! Asshole people! Then we talk about how I am needing to disengage right now because I really I feel like everyone wants a piece of me and it sets off my emotional triggers. Then I go home as sob some more and do some housework.

For shits and giggles I listen to country music. I happen to like country music. It has this amazing quality of soothing me. I like all of it, even the crappy rockypop stuff. Even the crappy lyrics- yes even the twang even the drawl. I was in the shower the other day and I like to change the station from talk radio to country - Seth just luuuuvs it when I do that! And I was singing along and then this song came on about some love lost or some nonsense and I found myself all curled up in the shower sobbing and singing the lyrics. I am not kidding I was crying about the story in the song. There I am acting all high school freshman over the dang song and not two seconds later I was all WHOOWHEEE Shut my mouth! Slap my grandma! All happy singing Honkeytonk Pedonkadonk with Trace Atkins and all Wontcha paint me a Birmigham? and all When you think Tim McGraw I hope you think of me.... I seriously need a hobbie! So folks. Go Country music! Maybe I better get back to blogging...