Why is theology Important?

"Theologians do not merely amplify, refine, defend, and deliver to the next generation a timeless fixed orthodoxy. Rather, by speaking from within the community of faith, they seek to describe the act of faith, the God toward whom faith is directed, and the implications of our faith commitment in, for, and to a specific historical and cultural context.The fundamental Christian faith commitment to the God revealed in Jesus is unchanging, of course. But the world into which we bring this confession is in flux. As a result, theologians function in a mediatorial manner."
-Stanley J. Grenz Theology for the Community of God

“Every Christian is a theologian. Whether consciously or unconsciously, each person of faith embraces a belief system. And each believer, whether in a deliberate manner or merely implicitly, reflects on the content of these beliefs and their significance for Christian life."
-Stanley J. Grenz Theology for the Community of God


Yeah! What He wrote!

Holy Frustration

This is from House 2 House. A websight for home church planters. I am thinking hard about this. DOn't know what else to do.

By Floyd McClung
After several years of deepening frustration with how I was doing church, I went to a spiritual father to ask for some counsel. I told him I wanted to do church differently, maybe even to plant a church, but the organization I worked with would not allow me to. He laughed and told me God had given me a “holy frustration” to get me ready for change.

It was 1980, and I was leading a street ministry reaching dropouts and runaways in Amsterdam. That “holy frustration” with the way we were doing church caused me to question everything that was branded church.
I was taught we should not start new churches, and so we sent our converts to local churches. We were putting our spiritual sons and daughters up for adoption without their consent. The institutional churches didn’t know what to do with them, and the kids didn’t want to join the institutional churches anyway. We lost many of them.
Through my experience of “holy frustration” with the church, I was led to ask two simple questions, perhaps the most important questions I have ever asked God: “What is church?” and “What is Your purpose for the church?”

These are questions I am asking myself. What do you think?

Being Joseph.

I just remembered that I am feeling peaceful and loved today not just because of my "visitor" but I remembered that I dreamt about my dad last night. Me and my dad. I was visiting him and we were making plans for dinner. I was so glad to be home with him. Our house was so comfy and well lit! And totally not any house I have ever lived in. ( You go dream!) I remember that it was just a happy feeling for me to be getting ready to go out with my dad! The rest is fuzzy, but I think the part that counts is that I "saw" him and I haven't forgotten his voice or his face. Interesting to me how the powerful memory of my earthly father resonates in me my longing for my heavenly father.

What theologian are You?

Len Hjalmarson over at resonate: soapbox wrote this yesterday morning. I liked it because I took the quizfarm what theologian are you test and I came out as Anshelm. I am also a blend of Barth, Calvin and a dash of Luther. heh. Who knew? I am also Evangelical Holyness Wesleyan. Wha? Anyway Good ole Len captured my Anselmian qualities quite nicely along with some other stuff that wierdly connects. Remember when I wrote," I am becoming..." ?

credo
Kierkegaard described his task as "becoming" a christian rather than "being" one. Becoming a Christian requires intense faith and spiritual discipline. It has little to do with intellectual conviction and even less with outward evidence of moral purity or perfection. Becoming a Christian is not climbing a ladder of spiritual, let alone material, success. It all comes down to submitting oneself constantly to God through confession of our failtures and presumptions in taking what Kierkegaard himself referred to as the "leap of faith."* * *Anselm said "credo ut intelligam." I believe in order to understand.Bernard of Clairvaux responded, "credo ut experiar." I believe in order to experience (or to know experientially and relationally).I love both these credos. Together they feel to me like a radical middle, and I'd like to live into both places.Many years before these Tertullian wrote, "credo quia absurdum." I believe because it is absurd. Kierkegaard picked up on this sentiment in his parables. In view of the paradox of God becoming incarnate, there is no way that the truth of Christianity can be reconciled with anything else in our experience. Reason will not carry us to faith, much less to the paradox of the Cross. Yeah! What he said!

Mostly Prophetic...and also pathetic

*Men can read at your own risk... *

Heh. Remember when I posted that due to Weight Loss Surgery I have an insane amount of horomones being released as I "lose" the fat? Yeah, insane being closely prophetic... I stated in my last post that I thought I was pregnant. I was being ironic. Hinting toward a "spiritual" pregnancy. Ohh I am soooooo spiritual! Yeah right.

NO I am NOT pregnant. BUT, I did get a visit from Aunt Flo. You ladies out there will gather the humor behind this ( maybe). You see I just don't get visits from Aunt Flo... Since High school those visits slowly grew farther apart until they pretty much only happened once a year. I was told by several docs that I was probably infertile, they poked and prodded and put me on the pill to "simulate" visits. During all this I gained more and more weight. I stopped the pill cause who was I kidding, I wasn't getting any and I couldn't really afford it anyway. Nothing happened. Of course, I am married now! ;)

In the back of my mind I have always wondered if I could have children. Recently I have been afraid of the "what- if" syndrome from WLS. They say that people who have WLS get very fertile especially during the first 6months when you experience the bulk of weightloss.
They recommend strong birth control measures because it has been known to happen. People fresh from surgery get preggers in the first 3 months. This is not good for the bod, folks. But I understand now how it can happen. You're just so darn horomonal! Me, I have been having "headaches" because I just don't know what to do. Nervous about birth control and gaining weight (even with WLS) I am avoiding most things romantical. Poor Hubbs! It helps that I have reasonable excuses, but the truth is: I really want to believe I can get pregnant. But I am,OMG, nervous to do the deed just in case.... understand?

Then it happened. 2 weeks post surgery I get my visit. I read that this is normal. I felt like 15 years of visits all crashed in on each other in 1 week. It was Hell, but I was giddy. Could it be?!

Now for the last month I have been wondering and wondering. This morning the cats saved me from a heinous discovery. They woke me up to play and feed them and I went to the bathroom and voila! My visit! 2 visits in 2 months!!! 2 visits in 1 year!

If this happens next month I am definitely biting the bullet and going to the gyno for some serious BC. Ya know why??? Besides of the obvious....( no more headaches) and according to my mom, I am most likely to be the one who gets preggars with twins. YES! TWINS! So... here's to my genes, my jeans, and aunt flo. May she visit me for Christmas! Thank you Jesus! for making this surgery possible for me and making it possible to get visits and for the promise of not one, but maybe two little lives in the future (after I'm healed and stuff). All the lo-down with church is so not important today!

I'm looking for a fight! Only I'm cross eyed and drunk

Uhm. I have found some more thoughts. This sucks. Sucks . Sunckssnucks. Trying to cling to faith here, I am terrified about having this conversation with Pastor. I don't see a way out of it. Seth says not to carry so much, that it doesn't have to happen NOW. But I feel it filling the marrow in my bones. Coupled with waves of grief from missing Dad I am dangerously headed for a meltdown . Please pray for us and this house of cards. Here is more stuff drom Dying Church... Darryl Dash posts the following:

In Barna's new book :Revolution, Barna describes a group of people that are faithfully serving God, often outside of a church structure. "They are not willing to play religious games and aren't interested in being part of a religious community that is not intentionally and aggressively advancing God's Kingdom," he writes. Listen to what happened as Barna told a pastor friend about this group over lunch:
The reaction could not have been more cordial - or confrontational. Our scheduled ninety-minute luncheon turned into a three-and-a-half hour marathon in which I spent the last two hours on the receiving end of a lecture decrying the scriptural justification of the Revolution. Harry's closing volley summed up his position.
"So you see, God has no Plan B. The local church is God's Plan A, His chosen vehicle, and He does not need any other plan. Anything outside of that means is simply indefensible from a biblical standpoint. Never second-guess God, my friend. Follow Him and accept His paths. No church has ever been perfect, but that's no reason to abandon it. Remaking the Church into the form you desire, rather than the form God ordained, is simply not legitimate. Let God be God. Help the local church become more effective, but don't ever, ever take any steps to replace it."
If Barna is right, and I think he is, we are seeing a rise of large group of people who are committed to follow Christ, but are largely abandoning the institutional structures of church. This is obviously threatening to a lot of people, like this pastor. How should we react?

By the way, it's not just church attenders who are doing this. It's pastors too. They are "quitting the ice cream store" and many others are wondering if it's time.
I'll reflect more on this in coming days, but for now I'll say this: We need to be careful how we define church.

Here is a list of what some people are quitting:
Church buildings
Sitting in rows
Worship as an event led from up front
Preaching as lectures
Programmatic expressions of church
Professional clergy
Internally focused budgets

Whatever you think of these - and not all of them are bad - these are not the church. In other words, it's possible to give all of these up and still be every bit as faithful a follower of Jesus Christ.
In fact, I'll go further: none of these describe the church that existed in the book of Acts.
So when we talk about quitting the ice cream store, from my parable, I think we need to say two things. First, not everyone has to do so. But second, for those that do, we need to understand that they may be quitting something familiar and even desirable to ourselves - but they are not quitting on God, just on one expression of church.
Posted by Darryl at October 20, 2005 08:34 AM

I am amazed that this person can articulate the very things that I am pondering, that Seth & I are longing for. I will probably post the ice cream store parable later since I'm too lazy to figure out links. Honestly, I must be pregnant or something because my level of intensity is skyhigh and I am teetering between panic and joy and mental illness.

When is it time to say, " Goodbye"? or just get the Hell out.

This weekend has slipped beyond my grasp and now it's Monday. I am emotionally shut down. Seth & I have had more and more discussions about what is happening in our fellowship and the failing "organization" of Southside. Our spirits are clogged with the percieved(?) futility of it all. We are getting emotionally ready to just leave.

Last week I had a convo with Headless and I said that I felt that we could not just leave because as housegroup leaders and kinship leaders we have a duty to be honorable and to care for the people we committed to care for. Also we have relationship with these people, they are family to us. We don't get to just EXIT.

BUT, I WANT TO RUN SCREAMING! how very un-Jesus of me...

The crux is we feel betrayed by some of our family our pastor our leadership or lack thereof. We must be like Jesus , but what do we do? How do we behave? We cower instead. Avoiding Wednesday night group, avoiding Sunday service, avoiding Monday night group. It is so painful to be there and to be encouraging, especially when there is some fruit. People are sharing their testimonies, they talk about how much they like Southside. I feel just feel sick. We love Southside! We love it so much we want Southside to die. I know I don't make sense. I am sick of the machine of church. Sick in my spirit of church administration and Spiritual formation and this desperate idea that we should be saving the sinking ship. I am sick of programs and "the way things are" and church marketing. Things seemed to have evolved in to a maelstrom of flight or fight. I am so sorry to all of you that we have toxified with this burden. Is it arrongance to say it's our burden and not yours? I just don't know.

If we leave there is no-where to go.
Seth says that this was his first church. He doesn't know if he wants to endure this again. I am almost there with him. My heart is shredded. My mind feels diseased. I am a drama monger. I am cheese. I am shutting down....

Being Prophetic

More on my search for truth. Here is something that brought tears to my eyes. This is taken from Steve Addison's Blog. ( Ya'll don't know him! )

Almost twenty years ago Howard Snyder wrote Foresight: Ten Major Trends Facing the Church. It’s uncanny how close he came to predicting future reality.
Here’s a list of the trends he predicted:
1. From regional churches to world Church.
2. From scattered growth to broad revival.
3. From Communist China to Christian China.
4. From institutional tradition to kingdom theology.
5. From clergy/laity to community of ministers.
6. From male leadership to male-female partnership.
7. From secularization to religious relativism.
8. From nuclear family to family diversity.
9. From church/state separation to Christian political activism.
10. From safe planet to threatened planet.

What are people’s thoughts on how the list could be updated?

Yeah, what are your thoughts People? I am also reading a 3 part series on Authority. ( Not from Steve Addison's blog, but someone else) I am really struggling with breaking out of the box here. When I find gold like this I feel hope that I am not insane. St. D if you are out there. Thank you for your comment on my Pastor's post. I am right there with you. I think today more than ever I would consider going back to WTS if only to have a chat with George Hunsberger and Tim Brown.

EXODUS

I have a point to make about people that leave the church. I don't know what it is except we have to be better at sending people instead of excommunicating people. I think that we call ourselves family. But we expect that people in our church family stay with us till death do us part. Yikes! Most kids grow up and move out and learn to be on their own. Isn't that like the church?

I don't expect an episode of Cosby where Pastor-Dad gives us play money and play Bible and shows us how the big bad world has hidden costs. The thing is, people that leave know what the cost is. They are walking the cost out in their decision. ( well maybe not everyone, but you get my point). People don't leave family behind lightly, usually there is months of deliberation and a steady slow down of the mental gears during "Sunday service" and then a total disconnection that happens. It hurts to leave, even when your a kid trying to be grown up, it hurts to embrace that change. To sink or swim. I'm not saying that people who leave are immature or not grown up. Sometimes you are so grown up or afraid you aren't allowed to grow up... That the church becomes toxic. One can be in real danger of just disengaging from Jesus all together. I know it almost happened to me.

My first home church was Lakeshore Vineyard. man I loved that church! I loved the Pastor, the people, the worship, the way I was adopted in and taught so much about Jesus my heart was heavy with adoration for that family. But I reached a point where I wanted to use all the skills I'd been equipped with there. I needed room to test out if that stuff really worked outside of the safety of Lakeshore and my "Parents". I found a place that I felt called to. It took a year and then I left Lakeshore. It was ugly. I came to Southside Vineyard and they got accused of sheep stealing. Me? a sheep. YeeshQ I mean, Baaa! Baaa! I was flattered and annoyed. I mean, I was ready to fly and eager to explore the world, why couldn't I be allowed to move on? Eventually they got over it and I still love them very much. But more like They are a favorite uncle or aunt that I rarely get to see.

I came to Southside.
First off, Southside was this burgeoning place of artists, musicians, ethnicities and more. I learned a whole new side to my faith and a whole new city. I learned about what it meant to be an Artist. This was a big deal for me because in my past I was afraid of my inner Piccaso; mostly due to some crazy notion that I needed enebriation or drugs or copious amounts of narcissism and emotional chaos to be creative. I also had probs with being latina and being raised essentially white/anglo/cracker. K, I was/am a mess. Anywho- Southside was all about doing the stuff. I liked that alot about it. We were a "missional" community. There were alot of nutjobs ( me included) that visited our Eastown church. We handled it with aplomb, mostly, but not always. It seemed that we were in that stage of nomadic or tribal existance where we were pretty dependant on God for His provision. I liked that about us. It made me feel centered and humble. It made us outgoing and outward living.

We are not that anymore.
People have now left for less reasons than that, maybe. I have a lot of theories, and crazy ideas about why and how. I just know that something has to change. But what if it doesn't? What happens if all of us don't show up one day? Where is the real church? Where have all the cowboys gone? Now some dear friends of mine are leaving. They counceled me and Seth before we were married. They witnessed and laughed with us over our first raging fight ( over money of course!) and they are moving on. I am really happy for them. I want to be gladhearted because they are moving to a place they feel strengthened and encouraged. People need that. They really do! Heck I need that! I believe God is actively pursuing them and guiding them. So why ...why do we look at their choice as a negative? why do we close the doors and tell them, we are circling the wagons and if your not with us then don't come back? Being a church for the sake of the world means something so different when the world is about your own backyard.

What does subversive mean anywayz?

I had a convo with Headless yesterday and I came to this wierd revelation that I am becoming....
emergent? POMO? I am not sure, but then I am not quick to find a label for my self. Sethmo agrees, the stuff I hhave been exploring rings true, but is scary as hell ( or heaven).


Whoever Gibbs/Bolger are ( I think the are emergent ppl or sumthing) This is what they say:

Emerging Churches are those:
1. who take the life of Jesus as a model way to live, and
2. who transform the secular realm,
3. as they live highly communal lives.Because of these three activities, emerging churches
4. welcome those who are outside,
5. share generously,
6. participate,
7. create,
8. lead without control, and
9. function together in spiritual activities.

Boiling it down to one sentence: Emerging Churches are communities who practice the way of Jesus within postmodern cultures.

Yeah what they wrote is very very close to what I am feeling.

And to really piss you off

I question the position of Pastor. I know shoot me. But I am just sayin... I know that they can be great guys( and gals) but I have always had this nagging disconnection with them. The whole "I have to write a sermon every week thing, and I must speak every Sunday thing. I must lead worship thing, I pick the elders thing,I determine the government of this church thing, And I am the one who makes the all the final decisions for the church thing."

I am not bitter about it, I hope I don't sound bitter. I went to seminary too. I was in the Master of Divinity program, and I totally didn't get why we learned half the stuff they shoved down our throats. They didn't get me either. I am certainly not the first to get kicked out of seminary and I won't be the last. But still, it nags me. Sortof like the pope, the priest, and the whole shebang.

To prove that I am not insane here is a post from a former pastor ( Not Darryl Dash! Hoorah!)

SCOTT WILLIAMS : Scott ...Diagonally parked in a parallel universe

I was wrong part 6
Ministers love to brag about how overworked they are.

it has been difficult for me to start this blog inasmuch as, of all the confessions i have made in this series, this one hits the closest to home. i have been grossly negligent in this area.

for 20 years of ministry i have used this crutch to excuse all manner of laziness, poor scheduling, inadequate preparation and relational aloofness. and i'm not alone.everything is work time. including blogging. and coffee with friends. and shopping and driving and phone calls and reading and praying and talking and writing and visiting and planning and napping and thinking and answering emails and surfing the net and going to the bank and reading the paper.

many of you have full time jobs that you come home from in order to make it to the church on time for any number of reasons. i usually had a nice nap before the meeting because i would be putting in extra time.

on many levels it is an amazing life. you are your own boss. you can literally blow off weeks, even months, without anyone really knowing. all you need to do is be unavailable, look a little haggard and constantly whine about how busy you are and no one will know. trust me, i've tried it.

pastors love to point out how busy we are. we NEVER say that things are slack.
pastors realize that people don't think they work much and there is something ingrained in their psychie that must justify their existence.

it is frustrating to have people constantly make fun of you for working "one hour a week".it is not as though some pastors do not get their hours in. many work chaotic shifts and are barraged by demands and complaints for which there is no obvious solutions.

pastors complain that they are always working, which is an exaggeration, but even if that is true - they may be working but not always working hard.
and frankly, a ton of pastors i know are just lazy. there is said it. i could give you lots of names.my name would sometimes be on that list as well.

many pastors would react to reading this words. some are justified. others simply do not know or remember what it is like to have a real job. they live in a bubble of pseudo-activity and flexible scheduling. no one yells at them everyday at work. they don't have to drive 2 hours to get to the job site. they don't have to get up early, or pack a lunch, or listen to complaints all day. they can shut off their phone and not be fired. they don't get disciplined for being 10 minutes late to work. they can deduct their mortgage from their taxible income. they can write off any activity or expense. they are the only one paid to be at a funeral.

this is a very one-sided blog but i have, on many occasions, bemoaned the struggles of the pastor's life. it can be a very difficult vocation. very few people have, however, discussed the other side of the equation - the incredible perks, the lack of tangible accountability, the accolades, the tax breaks.and right now i'm not even getting paid to blog.

Okay I thought this was a great post, I am amused by it's truth and by it's honesty. When I say I don't get the position of Pastor this entry comes to mind. There are several others that have touched my heart and this guy is just amazing, but my point is; I am not judging the Pastor role ( maybe a teensy weensy bit) , but I just struggle with it. What do YOU think?

My journey throught the dying church part 3

Cause I have sooo much to say.... snark! Just pat made a comment on my rant post: And now I am Chewsing part 2, she wrote:

Breathe! You forgot to breathe!!!I hear your heart, friend. You are a good leader, and you're becoming a better leader. This is a tough time. I do believe it's no accident that Rachel and JP are gone and you two are at the plate at this time. I'm praying for you, sweet friend.The scripture says, "Where sin abounded, grace abounded more." I read into that nugget that in Jesus, where judgement abounds, mercy can abound more. Your wounds now are the wounds of Jesus.

So I read that and it sparked this idea that I really need to think about all this stuff. So I am reading more stuff from Darryl Dash website as well as several others, (I am not turning into a DD groupie by any means!) and we have emailed a couple times cuz i have questions. This transformation thing , this defining my thoughts thing is all 100% me. I am like those spooky Sci Fi movies when the main character is infected by alien DNA. They stand in the dark room with a light beam shining over half their face and say, " I am BECOMING..." SO the following is this article. (ANd I will comment along cause it's my blog and I will not be silent!)

THE INTERNALLY DRIVEN LEADER
Robert Quinn describes three types of leadership in his book Deep Change. The first type of leadership is technical, focusing on personal survival and technical competence. The second type of leadership is transactional, still focusing on personal survival, but more responsive and interpersonal and political. Most leaders fall into these first two types of leadership.

This first paragraph captured my attention because it clearly reflects to me the struggle I am having since the big congregational meeting and the forming of the executive and spiritual formation councils. It also shows me that I am still steeped in these two ideologies. *sorrow*

He then describes a third type of leadership, which he calls transformational leadership. In this rare type of leadership, personal survival is not the issue. The core values and vision realization are far more important. This type of leadership is self-authorizing. Any person, regardless of position, can lead tremendous change, although they might not survive the process.

AAAHHH! Scary scary, I just wet myself! I am also longing for this type of leadership to be like this as a leader and to serve like this as a follower of Christ Jesus. Alas I feel spineless, lost and more; which is why I am glad Just Pat wrote about grace abounding and mercy abounding more.

Quinn writes:
The first assumption of the transformational paradigm is the most radical and the hardest to understand. This paradigm does not assume personal survival but instead vision realization at any cost. If the vision lives and thrives, it does not matter if the leader is fired, assassinated, or humiliated. The vision itself is far more important than personal survival.
breathe!
Jesus was a transformational leader. He also unleashed a group of other leaders who became transformational, who gave themselves to mission, even if it cost them their lives.
A technical or transactional leader will never lead a church to die to itself. It takes a transformational leader to do this. Unfortunately, transformational leaders are rare. But anyone can become one. Wha? Anyone? Even me? Even us? Holy Sh#*t! This is amazing and oh the terror. God give me some oxygen. Crapweasel! I really have got to stop swearing so much! Where does it come from? I noticed I am swearing alot lately...
The most important factor in creating a dying church (one that is dead to itself and its own survival) is always first dying to oneself. Yep, smack me dead. Squash me like a bug! I keep growing back!
This quote gives me hope. You don't need to hold a church office to lead a church to die to itself; this type of leadership is self-authorizing. Anyone can do it. The key seems to be a willingness to put mission ahead of personal survival. The person who does this can become a transformational leader. So I don't have to lead a rebellion against Pastor D? I don't have to be an elder? or a Worship leader or on a council? Or the perfect kinship leader or the perfect leader or ideal facilitator? Wheew!
Want to be a transformational leader who helps a church die to itself and live to Christ and his mission? It starts with dying to self. -Posted by Darryl Dash @ The Dying Church April 20, 2005

Yeah thanks alot I have to kill myself off. Thanks. Loads. Really.

My journey through the dying church part 2

Maybe your wondering why am titling this "My journey through the dying church" ? About a month ago I sensed that our church is indeed dying. So far, 48 people or more have left. The back-up worship pastor stepped down, the associate pastor decides to pursue full time pastorship outside of our church ( translation: we can't afford to support him financially so he got to go), the full-time worship pastor has stepped down and we have to councils formed to help us pick up the pieces. So I'm thinking, " Surely we aren't the first church to experience this catastophic loss?" SO I do an internet search for "Dying Church". What I found was gold and silver and titanium. Platinum even. Here is what I read from Darryl Dash's website:

EVERY CHURCH IS DYING
It struck me this week that every church is a dying church in some sense:

Some churches are literally dying. They are slowly losing people and will likely shut down.
Some churches are glitzy and successful. They look vibrant and alive, but they're really only alive to themselves and their institution. They look alive, but they're dying and they don't know it.
Then there's the church that could be big or small, glitzy or drab, that dies to itself daily - that has taken up the cross and is more concerned with following Christ, no matter what it costs, than its survival.

All churches are dying. Only the third type of church will experience a resurrection.


A DYING CHURCH IS ONE IN WHICH
Its own growth and health is not as important as its willingness to follow Jesus wherever he goes, whatever it costs.
It is willing to turn its back on everything - its building, programs, staff, everything - in order to follow Jesus.
Institutional advancement is not as important as Kingdom advancement. The church is not concerned with its own institutional survival.
Pastors are not CEOs managing/leading people toward a goal, and plans/goals/numbers/budgets are not the main thing. Following Jesus has been the main thing. The pastor becomes somebody who helps set the pace in following Jesus, but is only a co-follower with the rest of the people.

WHY PEOPLE LEAVE THE CHURCH
I had no idea that 94% of church leavers were leaders within the church, rather than fringe attenders.

From the link:
Just founds some amazing stats from a study on people leaving the church.
· They were not leaving 'mainline' churches in decline. They were leaving growing evangelical, pentecostal, and charismatic churches.
· They were not leaving during 'adolescence'. They were leaving as adults, predominantly between thirty and forty-five years of age.
· They were not leaving after being involved for a short time. They were leaving after an average of 15.8 years of involvement.
· They were not leaving from the fringe, but from the very core. 94% were church leaders. P18 40% in full-time Christian study or work or both.

So my question to ya'll is, which type of church are we? I am scared of the answer revealed only because in my heart I feel like a faithless gal. Much like a doubting Thomas or worse. I think the questions and answers I am pursuing are scary, nay terrifying and filled with silver threads of hope that might strangle me. I know I am reaching for a prize, but I am super freaked out by the potentential.

My journey through the dying church part1

So I recognise that I have been more than emotional lately with regard to the condition of our church family. I have been searching and searching for answers and asking God to pass the cup from me - dramatic wench that I am! ;) I am certainly not Jesus! But I want to at least try!
What I have discovered I will post here. Pretty much because I am trying to wrap my mind around what God is planting inside me.

Here is question that I read on a pastor's blog recently.

What should the role of the pastor be in this new culture in which we find ourselves? Or what characteristics or attributes should they have? What skills? What is important to you in terms of who leads your community of faith?

*Readers of my blog, WHAT DO YOU THINK? * Here is what I wrote:
My view on the role of pastor... I I think there should be more than just one lonely guy or gal up there. In fact, I don't think they should be up there at all. But out there- joining with us as a people who are called to be a missional community. When we are side by side, then we can be a serving, equiping, and ministering community together. I think that is biblical, but I am no theologian or anything. I also think that we put a lot of pressure on a pastor-figure to have it all together and look to them to be the measure of our spiritual growth instead of taking responsibility for our own personal relationship and growth with God. So I guess I probly don't think pastors should be a "position" but rather a group of facilitators.

I've been thinking about these questions more fully now. I realize that I completely ignored the attributes, characteristics, and skills part. I think I did that because I naturally assume that we would all try to be like Jesus. Doing what we see our Father doing and behaving like Jesus did, but more messy. There are afterall all kinds of hints in scripture as to how to behave right? The multiple lists of fruits of the spirit and countless examples of followers of God who experienced all kinds of deep and craptastically deep stuff.

Pastor Skilz... uh, some things on my list: be nice? Wear jeans, drink beer or wine or gin & tonics? Hang with the oukast gang onFriday night and eat tapas with us at the bar on Saturday? Bring a meal when we're sick and crack jokes about being a marginal or margerine christian? Challenge us to learn about the bible and theology? Spend time with old people, sick people, homeless people, criminals, prostitutes, recovery people, football people and NON-football people, mexicans, non-mexicans, republicans and democrats and the confused, etc. Make church about out there and not "in here". To say, "Let's ditch the building for several Sundays and go out in teams to Mcdonalds, Margies Donuts , or Studio 28 and make some friends!" "Screw the sermon! Let's tell our story to the couple in the parking lot at Diversions! Tini Bikinis, The Radio, Bite., Big Lots! Meijer, Lowes, Martha's etc... Let's be church on Saturday night and go boogie at The BOB and sleep in on Sunday and meet for a late lunch at Little Mexico or have a potluck at the building?"

So as you probly ( yes I know I am spelling it wrong) gathered, the stuff on my list isn't limited to just one person, but groups of people, families of people pastoring together. Crazy huh?

And now I am chewsing part 4

uh yeah, my dad died 3 years ago on Thanksgiving. He had cancer. He had pancreatic cancer. I really miss my daddy. It sucks so much that I can't talk to him right now and that he's not here to see me finally getting healthy. That he won't be there for me when I start popping buns from my oven or when I finally maime Sookie before she's in all out heat. I am so mad that he's gone because he could make me laugh during times like this. Tonight I just want to cry and cry. I love you papa.

And now I am chewsing part 3

Uhh, when Harry ran away and then came back we took him to the vet. He had an injured paw. To add to it, we had to wonder for 8 weeks if he got exposed to feline leukemia. And then to make it more worse, we have to wonder if Sookie got exposed to feline leukemia as well. Floyd is a dog so I guess we don't get to worry about him.

Sookie is rapidly approaching her first "Heat" , she is terrorizing the house breaking stuff and being so frickin adorable it is hard to remember to stay mad at her or even maime her into trying to behave. Unfortunately her 8 weeks isn't quite up and the vet says she caint get spayed until that time so that we can kill two birds etc. So I wait and wonder and get annoyed. I am convinced that Sookie and Harry are fine that indeed they have not been exposed to the dreaded FA. But it would destroy me if I was wrong. Damn FA.

And now I am Chewsing part 2

I apologize in advance about the nature of this post, It is directed at ? myself, GOD? my church? I just dunno. I just have to say it. If I offend you in anyway, then consider that it is not meant to offend you that God will judge me accordingly and I may welcome it with open arms. Don't worry about his vengeance cause he will have it over me. Thanks.

All I have to say about this new leadership thing and the experience of our church in it's wierd transition is... aahh Sh*T!. Yeah. IT's TUFF and crap hits the fan all the time and if I didn't have people like Headless, Just Pat, and the Amazing WOW duo as friends I think I would have called it quits a couple weeks ago. I am seriously feeling like calling it quits now, but for different reasons. I am just soo tired of playing church. I am tired of talking crap out with hypocritical people who refuse to notice that we are already a broken, fallen people. That it is NOT their JOB to BREAK us even more nor to OBLITERATE the sin they see in our lives... who can't admit that in general, people require loads of grace and love and compassion. That their justice, vengeance, and judgement is toxic and the old school ideas of making it all about Sunday, all about the pastor, all about the right attitude and all about obediance is not even close to what Jesus meant when he said take up your cross and follow me. I am also sick of masking everything under the guise of cordial hypocracy for example the following was said to me from a person who I thought was a support person: "You offended me! Oh, I'm over it now.... But just so you know I don't want to hurt your feelings, I mean I shouldn't say this but I am just being honest... you are trying too hard to be a leader and you aren't good at it, maybe you just need to facilitate more. Okay I said it, are you alright? Did I hurt you? " Smiles and bats eyelashes.

OKKAYYYY... [breathe...1 breathe....2 breathe....3 .......hhhhhhhhhheeeeeeehhhhhhheeeeee Begin rant now!]

So because you don't like what I'm saying to you now, you don't respect me as your leader or as a facilitator? Because I call your attitude over others in our church into question? Because I don't jump high enough for you and prostitute myself to your whims and needs above others I am a bad leader? Who makes up this kind of Sh*T?

I have heard it said that when you enter in to any kind of leadership position in the church you will take a lot of heat, but I never dreamed the divisiveness and hostility that people wield like swords at you when you don't fall into line. I never dreamt that Jesus called us to be lemmings and not question the status quo when it comes to how we function as a church body. Are you lame on Sunday? Do you need healing? wait till Monday.... Pharisee anyone? Yikes!!! the idolatry we have revealed in some of the people in our church family is crippling and choking me to near death. I am on edge and angry don'tcha know! These same people whom I have loved and trusted and prayed with and cried with... are the same ones who are backbiting and sniveling and insulting and gossiping and decieving and hostile because they feel threatened by the truth and by necessary change and by honest questions and honest emotions. How dare I say my pastor has faults? How dare I share with my family that I am confused and hurting over decisions made by my pastor and by leadership? How dare I confess that I have fears over why 48 people have left our church body and now our associate pastor has to step down? How dare I feel frustrated that our pastors know we are in financial distress and aren't willing to take other jobs to keep us afloat? That keeping the building we gather in is more important than the caring for our flock? Ugh... When did church become about the package and not the Truth?

*****breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe*****

And now I am Chewsing Part 1

oh yeah, it's been a long time since I've been a posting. Sorry. We've had our hands full in our house. What with leading 2 care groups in the midst of church conflict, and me rediscovering the not so joy of eating and a kitten in almost heat... and the 3rd anniversary of my dad dying steady on my heels, well, you can imagine.

First I will update ya'll on my weightloss journey. I finally made 199. In fact, I made a solid 199 today. Sounds gross, like I took a dump, ( sorry) but it has been 7 years since I have weighed below 200 pounds! I am happy and sad about that. I have this crazy fear that I will step on the scale and have ballooned up to 237 again. That I can never leave my "fat clothes" behind me because they will be needed.

But I am also enjoying not being in the 200's. I have this giddy, wild hope that I might see 190 or 180 or *gasp* 150! Meanwhile. I am entering the try it before you buy phase of food. It seems like my little pouch is fickle at best and I am learning the fine art of excusing myself to the ladies room without needing a ambulence to carry me body and limb to pump my stomach at the hospital. What I mean is that some days food that I have eaten comfortably in the past now stage a revolt with startling accuracy. Within 3 minutes- 4 minutes at most, I can intuit that I must run to the staging area ( said bathroom facility) and proceed to "auto-eject" whatever offensive portion I ate. Talk about a damper on your social gathering. This by the way doesn't happen often, so I am thankful for that! Also I have learned that you really should drink some water 20 minutes before you eat because this makes things go smoother when the time comes to eat. I am the queen of finger foods, lol! typical breakfast is 4 multigrain crackers and a deli slice of cheese cut into fourths. maybe a tbl spoon of peanut butter. Lunch 3 oz of salad shrimp and a slice of tomato and a sm V8.

I am also becoming thicker skinned everyday by restaurants who refuse to allow me a "appetizer" serving or a bread plate or ala cart serving of their menu due to my inability to consume a 3 lumberjack serving of food. In fact here is a short list of WLS ( Weightloss Surgery) friendly restaurants and a**h!%#s that make my life difficult and embarassed to be alive.

WLS Friendly,

Wendy's *
( the 99 cent menu- their chili makes me feel normal and I get 2 meals from this cuz it stores nicely for a couple days, plus great source of protein!)

Real Food Cafe* they have a crazy good a la carte menu, but they also allow you to split or share a plate for the cost of just $1.00 That is customer service! ( but just don't order home fries cuz you may die trying to eat them)

Sammy's Pita House* again you can order a small hummus ( protein) and skip the pita and they smile and say have a nice day. No pushing you to add parsley or oil and no pushing you to exchange more food for the food you don't want on their platters and combos! No explanation of WLS required.

Arnies* ditto for making substitutions and asking for half portions. Although it depends on the restaurant some may still charge full price and the waiter may look at you funny for not asking for a doggy bag. I always reassure the chef that the food I did eat was excellent.


Evil Jerk So called restaurants:
Olive Garden - They fry everything or coat it in too much herbs m have no alacarte menu and are not helpful when requesting a half portion, still charge full price and demand a detailed explanation of WLS. Short of showing them my scars and throwing up in their faces I couldn't get them to consider customer service. And NO! I don't take ice in my water thank you. and NO! quit bringing me straws that I am not allowed to drink from.

Bombay Cuisine- fascist pigs. WLS Patients ARE NOT WELCOME THERE ! And unless I am into self mutilation and public displays of racism and willing to pay Full price for a meal that I can only eat 1/2 cup of ( maybe cauze I was unable to test the pouch meter) cause that is what will happen if I am delirious enough to go there again.

Perkins- Disguised as helpful. They will not listen to you when you just want to remove the parts of the meal you can not eat ( even when you are willing to pay full price). They will instead put unwanted and inedible substitutions like bacon, and forget that you can eat hashbrowns and did not request that hashbrowns be removed just the hollandaise sauce and english muffin and the damn ginormous bran muffin. What gives? WLS patients be wary. It could have been the waitress but I just don't know.

So I have lost 10 whole freakin inches from the biggest part of my 2 ( formally 3 ) layer cake at the waist. My feet shrank at least 2 sizes depending on the style of the shoe.
AND ** * TMI WARNING* **
Boobage ( that wasn't really all THAT BIG to begin with especially for a morbidly obese gal like myself) has withered to a startling sad deflated set of balloons. I just sort of roll em up and stuff the gals into their now very roomy padded cells. * sigh*

I know I sound like I am beyotching alot but I am not, I am being amused really I am! The price to live for say another 50 years I think it's worth it!